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Coffee 1:39 Tue Feb 26
The darkness of a man's mind

A couple of days ago, a friend took his own life. He was going through a messy divorce.

He had somehow acquired a large quantity of liquid tranquilisers, which he injected into a drip bag. He had enough medical knowledge to insert a cannula into a blood vessel. He sat down and let it flow. I hope it didn't take long.

He was a normal, decent, likable fellow who was fun to be with. He had a good job and many friends. For reasons known to him only, he decided this was his best option. It wasn't a spur of the moment decision.

Some say suicide is cowardice. I don't agree. It's a lot of things, but I don't think cowardice is one of them. Some might say that it takes courage to go through with it.

It leaves several painful questions. Most are of the why variety, but one at least asks what went through his mind in the lead-up to the act?

Reason for posting this. If you ever consider that suicide is an option for you, please exhaust all possibilities before you go far down that road. If you've got one or more good friends, speak to them. Chances are they'll understand and be there for you.

If you don't feel that's an option, talk in confidence to The Samaritans. That's what they're there for. They're special human beings, compassionate and trained to listen for as long as you want to talk, while not being judgmental or shocked by what they hear.

petann 4:53 Sat Mar 2
Re: The darkness of a man's mind

When you take your life, who are you taking it from?
May he rest in peace

Mike Oxsaw 8:52 Sat Mar 2
Re: The darkness of a man's mind

mashed in maryland 8:12 Sat Mar 2

There might be something in that "relationship" angle. "Belonging" to something is a pretty powerful emotion - just look how proud we all are to "belong" to the group of people that are West Ham Supporters.

Thankfully, to date, I've not been that close to someone who took their own life, but knew three former colleagues who did. Not sure about their personal lives, but they all happened within a year or so of the place we worked in and the department we worked for being demolished and disbanded - scattered toi the four winds.

I was lucky insofar as I had a handle on the future so could prepare myself for the change, and re-align myself to a new situation, but some of these people were specialists in their given fiels and didn't seem prepared for/to change.

Looking back, there was always a "Yeah - something about him", but, as has been said, hindsight' wonderfully accurate.

My life - like may others, has had it's ups and downs. The frustrating thing is that I'm unable to pinpoint the changes and nail them to any one or set of triggers; could I do so, I may have in my possession something really useful I could give (but not sell) to the world. In reality I'd have been too pleased to have gotten over a low point to look back at it ever again.

mashed in maryland 8:12 Sat Mar 2
Re: The darkness of a man's mind

I think it's a generational thing and unfortunately at the moment we're stuck with it.

A few people I know have made one or several attempts.

Friends of friends have succeeded.

*ALL*, without fail, have been heavily into drink/weed. And most it's been immediately off the back of a relationship breakdown.

Most, after failing, have gone on to live much better lives after than they did before.

Sounds paradoxical but talking to someone when they're in that state is almost impossible and often counter-productive. Logically it seems that some people just need a massively shit event or series thereof in order to grow and look at life differently.

Might be similar to why people who grow up in poverty often have a better outlook on life. Fuck knows.

RIP to Coffee's mate

Spandex Sidney 1:38 Sat Mar 2
Re: The darkness of a man's mind

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

RIP

The Mercernary 1:34 Sat Mar 2
Re: The darkness of a man's mind

My employer is introducing mental health first aiders, which I think is a great idea in theory but the biggest problem with the male suicide issue is still the question of how you get them to talk about the emotional stuff. It’s still seen as something men just don’t do.

I’ve started asking a few people “how are you really” because you just never know whether that person needs to talk or not.

Fortunes Hiding 3:09 Fri Mar 1
Re: The darkness of a man's mind

Blimey, this is all a bit depressing, I should've stayed on the slurps thread. :-(

ray winstone 3:09 Fri Mar 1
Re: The darkness of a man's mind

Yeah, George Michael wrote a song about it, My Mother Had A Brother, apparently his uncle was gay and topped himself the day GM was born. Couldn't bear to 'come out' becuase of the stigma.

Block 3:07 Fri Mar 1
Re: The darkness of a man's mind

Different times, Ray son.

Horrible to think people killed themselves because of their sexuality.

ray winstone 3:05 Fri Mar 1
Re: The darkness of a man's mind

My uncle hung himself around 30 years ago, he was in his 50's and had never been married. The feeling was that he was quite probably gay but just could not bring himself to 'come out' especially as my grand parents were extremely Victorian in their views and would never had accepted it.
He was my mum's only brother and she still beats herself up about it to this day as she thinks that she should have been more supportive but hindsight is a wonderful thing.

trevorp 2:53 Fri Mar 1
Re: The darkness of a man's mind

All good thanks! - married for nearly 30 years, with a great family, many good friends, and a job I love......the only good thing to have come out of that episode in my life is that I can at least empathise with those feeling similarly, and hopefully help them in some way to change dark to light.....

Block 9:34 Fri Mar 1
Re: The darkness of a man's mind

Bloody hell Trev,

Hope you're ok mate.

trevorp 1:35 Thu Feb 28
Re: The darkness of a man's mind

Speaking as someone who did try and very nearly succeeded in taking my life many years ago now, it's the last desperate action you take because you absolutely feel you have nothing worth living for. Whether that's actually true or not has no bearing on the decision - neither do you think very much of the impact on nearest and dearest, in fact you may even blame them in the twisted depths of your mind at that time. You're very much wrapped up in your own misery and can't see how it will ever get better. It's neither cowardice or bravery that drives you to taking your life - but rather you feel you've lost any power or will to change for the better in any way your seemingly desperate state. Thankfully I was found before it was too late, and spent many days in ICU. It was a long haul after that to get better, and very much down to amazing support of one good friend. It never leaves you though, that knowledge that you reached rock bottom and took steps to kill yourself. A sad forum this, but so good to see some helpful and positive comments on what is a painful subject for many.

diehardhammer 1:02 Thu Feb 28
Re: The darkness of a man's mind

seems like the world needs a big dose of stoicism

https://dailystoic.com/what-is-stoicism-a-definition-3-stoic-exercises-to-get-you-started/

Block 12:44 Thu Feb 28
Re: The darkness of a man's mind

Made a fatal mistake having two coffees this morning which sets off my anxiety 10 fold.

Thought it was decafe, shaking like a mofo at the moment.

ChillTheKeel 12:29 Thu Feb 28
Re: The darkness of a man's mind

I reckon the true figure for disorders such as anxiety and depression hits more than 1 in 4 people, especially with the young.

greenie1 12:26 Thu Feb 28
Re: The darkness of a man's mind

I can't remember what I was watching the over the night, but the programme mentioned mental health and it said 1 in 4 suffer in this country.
1 in 4? I was taken aback by that.

New Jersey 11:01 Thu Feb 28
Re: The darkness of a man's mind

I feel this is a big problem of the modern age and is quite frightening, as sometimes there seems to be no reason.

A school friend of my sons was moved by his employees to another city, this triggered something off, he came back to his Mum and step Dad's house and blew his face off. The only saving grace is that his step Dad found him. I can't see that as cowardice, I do wonder if something that can seem trivial but triggers off some chemical imbalance that causes it?

Block 10:13 Thu Feb 28
Re: The darkness of a man's mind

A suicide affects the person's family for ever.

100%

The family will beat themselves up for not seeing it, helping, wondering what the causes of it were.

Yes it's difficult for the families , however people suggesting it's cowardice are ignorant.

Coffee 10:11 Thu Feb 28
Re: The darkness of a man's mind

AnotherDay_SameShit 9:49 Thu Feb 28

It's not true. Years ago, I went out with a girl whose father shot himself when she was about 10, I think. The scar she and her family continued to carry with them was deep and complicated, and went way beyond missing the father. There were all sorts of feelings of rejection and stigma and more. A suicide affects the person's family for ever.

AnotherDay_SameShit 9:49 Thu Feb 28
Re: The darkness of a man's mind

Think it's a good and valid point about thinking people close to you will be better off without you, or at worse it wouldn't make any difference to them, even though it isn't usually true. When you are so low you don't flatter yourself into believing you will be sorely missed or much needed, it's about you and you only at that point.

Block 9:35 Thu Feb 28
Re: The darkness of a man's mind

Darby, I agree to an extent your body is working properly.

I don't know the full ins and outs but it#'s to do with serotonin and dopamine levels in the brain which are imbalanced.

Alcohol, drugs and smoking can all effect this too - Anti depressants help the imbalance - Only issue with this because your brain starts to think irrationally you start to believe your dependent on them (I certainly do).

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